Just take me in your refuge. I cannot attain your refuge; you give me your refuge. I have no strength of my own. You please forcibly make me your own. Hearing what you say, one feels that it is in the power of a human being to surrender to you. But who can do that without your grace?

Fulfil your own words, ‘Mamekam sharanam vraja (Surrender unto Me alone!)’. You don’t say that to everyone, this proclamation is a testimony of your grace.

Sakrudeva Prapannaaya Tavasmi Iti Cha Yaachate;
Abhayam Sarvabhutebhyo Dadaamyetad Vratam Mama

‘I have taken refuge in you’ – whoever says it but once and seeks refuge in Me, regardless of who it may be, it is My sole duty to offer shelter to him.

I haven’t become a prapanna (surrendered one) as yet. I have been undergoing scores of laments, afflictions, torments and agonies, but I have still not been surrendered to you.

Oh, how many have left the body, how many have I seen been dispatched down the streams of Ganga; I have seen so many dead bodies being devoured by dogs and jackals, but my attachment to the body hasn’t departed yet. The thought of leaving this body does not touch me even once in the whole day. What can be more surprising than this? Who is a sharanagata, a surrendered soul? One who is vipanna (destitute)! Look at me, I am a mahavipanna, an extremity among the destitute and yet I don’t think that I am a destitute.

There is no sense of helplessness in me, no disenchantment (with worldliness); in absence of disenchantment, I am unable to surrender to you with single-minded devotion. Will you please convince me of the fact that I am helpless?

See, I talk so much with you, hope you are not angry with me? If you are dissatisfied with me, I would have no other recourse left. You must cast a compassionate glance at me – that will set everything right for me. None of my sorrows or anguish will remain then, just look at me once! Oh, is it so difficult for you even to cast one glance at me? It must be so; why else would you not look at me?

No, No…I think I am making a mistake, you are Vishwatas-chakshuh (His eyes span the whole Universe)! Earth, Water, Fire, Wind and Ether, all these are your eyes. Your eyes are extended all over – up and down, front and back, left and right. Actually, you have always been looking at me with eyes full of compassion. Not even the smallest of my karmas, or a trivial thought, can be hidden from your eyes.

Oh, how many things that are against the scriptures do I perform, escaping the gaze of people! But how can I ever do anything escaping your eyes? You have been seeing the whole host of my karmas ever since I was born. You know everything. You are in fact seeing me in the form of all the ten directions; you are seeing me as sun and moon, you are seeing me as water and wind – well, this didn’t occur to me before.

I am in front of your eyes, but since I didn’t know this, how many unjust karmas have I performed. Nobody could ever have a wind of my secret karmas, but you know everything, you are seeing everything. O Hari! O redeemer of the lowly, liberator of the fallen! You are aware of all my reasonable and unreasonable actions; I shall worship you with these very karmas. Come, please accept them. Please accept the host of my accumulated karmas done over many lifetimes, and also the good and bad karmas of this lifetime; I am offering them all at your lotus feet. Please take the entire lot, say Aum Swasti (May you be well established in Spiritual Health) and accept them. Ah! You’re not able to do this, is it? You are not able to say I have taken on all your karmas?

Yat karoshi yad ashnaasi yaj juhosi dadaasi yat
Yat tapasyaasi kaunteya tat kurushva mad-arpanam

~ Bhagavad Gita 9.27

Isn’t this what you have said? O son of Kunti, all that you do, all that you eat, all that you offer and give away, as well as all austerities that you may perform, should be offered unto Me.

It is on the strength of this assurance of yours that I am daring to offer all my bad karmas at your lotus feet – please accept them! Deliver me from their bonds. Their infinite store is making me stay away from you and your proximity. They have been giving me pain by keeping me separated from you – today I have become yours!

I am yours! I am yours! I am yours! I have nothing else to do. I will only keep looking at you. Hari Hari! Everything is you! Wherever I look – I see only you everywhere. I look at Ganga, but you are Ganga, I look at the forest, but you are the forest, I look at the sky, but even the sky is you. I am feeling very good. If there’s nothing else apart from you, what’s there for me to think? Whatever I see, whatever I hear, whatever I say, it’s all you. If everything is you, then why does the Ganga, the forest, the sky etc. appear different? Where does this great difference spring from? Yes, one hears ajnana (ignorance) is the cause of bhed jnana (differential perception). I am able to see how powerful ajnana is, it is revealing you not as a whole but in parts. Well, what is this ajnana? Neither true not false; the perception that the self is identical with the body – even if there be a modicum of such a perception, it is to be reckoned as ajnana or avidya (nascence)? If I am not the body, then Koham – who am I?

The physical tenement that I have been referring to as the body is not the place where I reside. I have been going through so much of ignominy because of this body – it has caused friendship and enmity with so many, and praise and censure from a whole lot; I have blabbered so much and done so many things with a high and mighty attitude because of it, and now, at the far end of my life, I am realising that I am not the body. It’s not as though this is something new, I have heard it umpteen times, but not even an iota of that wisdom could sink into me. By saying that ‘I am yours’, today you have evoked in me the desire to know who I am. This is a desire awakened by you. Tell me, who should I ask this question: Who am I? Won’t you answer? Who am I going to look for now to ask this question? You alone will have to answer this question: Koham (who am I?)

I have heard this without really hearing, known it without really knowing – I am not the body made up of five elements, earth, water, fire, air and space. Further, I have heard that I am not even the subtle body constituted by the five pranas, mind, intellect and the ten sense organs. I have found in the scriptures that I am not the causal body either. All these things I have merely heard, I haven’t understood any of it. Will you nicely explain it to me?

If I am not the gross, subtle or causal body, who am I? You are the one who exists before and after the cause, then who am I? If beyond the gross, subtle and causal states (which I am not) only you exist, then where do I stand? Some people assert the identity with Sohamasmi (I am that). If that be the case, O God! O Lord! O Life of my life! Tell me, how can I become you? There’s such great divide between us. You are the boundless ocean, I am a miniscule drop of water. You are the blazing afternoon sun, I am just one of your feeble rays. You are the heavenly body, I am a trifling spark of light. It’s true, I don’t comprehend this, that’s why I am asking you – tell me who am I? If I am indeed thee, how can I reconcile with your limitless power and infinite splendour? It’s a rather difficult question. This issue has not been satisfactorily called into question even in the words expounded in hundreds of shastras. Therefore, there’s no one who can answer this other than you.

Tell me, who am I? Don’t just do some humbug talk to get rid of me, explain it to me properly. So much time has passed, but I haven’t got an answer to this. I have been undergoing so much pain on this earth by uttering this word ‘I’. You will have to tell me, tell me who am I? No, you can’t just keep quiet, tell me who am I? Vashishta Dev (Vashistha is one of the Saptarishis (seven great Rishis) in the seventh, i.e. the present Manvantara, or age of Manu. Vashista is the mind-born son of God Brahma) in his pledge has clearly stated that as long as there are worthy people in this world, I will impart knowledge. O Vashisthadeva! You are the Guru of my Ram ji, tell me who am I? Who? Who am I? You’ll have to tell me, you’ll have to reveal it to me.

Who will enlighten me…? Gayatri? Alright. O Mother Gayatri, I seek your refuge. Reveal the truth to me. Reveal the truth after knowing which not even a speck of impurity remains. In the extremely refulgent light of that truth, I will see the ‘Aham’ (I, the embodied self) that has been lost for ages after ages. I will see the true Self shine out of the clouds of the false self. O take me there, take me. Dhiyo Yo nah Prachodayat. Stimulate my intellect and bestow upon me true knowledge. Take my mind, characterised by assuming different forms, along that hallowed path to Bharga (illumination) that lights up the three worlds. He will surely reveal my ‘self’ to me. O, all of you, Vashishta, Gayatri, Pranava, are you all different? Alright, I take it that you are everything. Do what you please, I won’t talk to you anymore. I know my not talking to you makes no difference to you, but I still keep blabbering. I am yet to get an answer to the question: Koham? Tell me: koham?