Wonder what will happen when I have a direct vision?

Direct vision – what a crazy idea that is! No, it’s not crazy at all; you do grant direct vision. So many devotees have been gratified with your direct vision. I wish for that kind of vision. What’s the point of getting frustrated with this hide and seek? Ma! It is not in my power to even dream what your form is like. I am a lowly insect. How can I ever hope to think of your form? But you can surely confer an undreamt-of vision on me. Please grant it.

Just by saying ‘give me vision’, that very thought gives me goose bumps. Is it some kind of a disease? Tell me, Ma?

No, it’s not a disease. It is satvika bhava vichar, one of the eight signs of divine love.

Look, the Ganga water is reflecting moonlight partly covered by clouds. There’s the Ganga, behind it the forest, and then a backdrop of the sky. The rays of moonlight, the sky, and the Ganga are all resplendent together. I am unable to fathom the strange sentiment that is aroused in my heart by them; it’s something I can’t express in words. You’re asking what the sentiment is? Well, it feels as though a memory from a distant past, a faint recollection from some bygone era, has surfaced in the heart.

When the cool, water-laden breeze from the Ganga touches the body, I remember you. It feels as though you’ve touched me. As the Bhagirathi flows on, full and gentle, exceedingly sweet, the shining moonlight delights the night. A very soft and gentle breeze is blowing. Why don’t you come for a little walk to this tulasi grove? Please.

You know, it’s because you love it that I have planted this tulasi grove. Why don’t you come once? What’s the problem? I’ve never had a full glimpse of yourself. Why don’t you come and grant it to me? Perhaps I am an accursed one, which is why you no longer favour even the tulasi grove! You don’t want to come to the tulasi orchard, which is usually your constant abode. Or maybe I am just blind; I just can’t see you!

I had thought that now that I have made a tulasi garden, you would drop in one of these days to see it, and I would steal a glance at you. But that hope of mine remains unrealized. Either you did not come, or you came, but I could not see you.

Sometimes I feel a guide will come and teach me about the right devotional practices and ensure that I have your darshan. Is that how it’s going to be? If yes, then when will he come? When will I have your darshan? How will I recognise him? Alright then, please send him; do not delay any further. I want to drop all my burdens at his feet and be rest assured.

O compassionate Guru! Speak, O Lord and Master! Now who should I approach for guidance? Who will apprise me of the means to steady my mind in the state of samadhi (meditative trance)? Or maybe there’s no need to think of all this, and I must just sit and keep repeating Ram Ram. Well, do what you please! Lift me up or strike me down, do whatever your heart feels.

I am the servant of your servant. However, the faith that whatever you do is for my good is not becoming firm in my heart. Tell me the means by which I will be able to make my faith firm in this. You’re quiet, and maybe that’s absolutely right, because anyway you’re already doing everything that you need to do for me.

It cannot be that you remain speechless because I am unable to see you. When I review the past, I realise that you have forgiven countless lapses and the most heinous sins of mine and brought me to this stage. It feels as though you cannot be too far from here. But even now I am riddled with weaknesses such as anger and lust. What’s to be done about it? Well, why should I bother about all this? When a child, grubby and grimy all over the body, comes to his mother, the mother washes and wipes him nicely and clasps him in her arms. Do I have to tell you again to please cleanse me of all my impurities? Yes, I need to tell you that. You are kalpataru, the wish-fulfilling tree; you confer whatever is sought from you. That you must make me your own, be mine – it’s necessary for me to tell you this.