The Mother Divine
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(Excerpts from Madman’s Jholi)
By Sri Sri Sitaramdas Omkarnath

Yesterday, as I was returning from Chandigaccha, three or four dogs began to follow me, barking and advancing upon me, in a rather menacing fashion. They would bite me any moment, it seemed! I told the beads of my rosary, chanting the Name of Rama, and purposely walked on slowly. One second I would fear that the dogs would bite me but the next I would think, ‘You (God) are in the dogs as well.’ But this thought would not stay for long. I made no attempt to look behind. The dogs went away, after following me for a while.

In the form of the dogs, You gave me such a teaching!

I did not understand then, but have understood since; happiness and sorrow cannot overwhelm, if one keeps remembering You (God); even if the faith is not as firm. If the belief that ‘You (God) are everything’ becomes firm, then there is no limit to the grace one receives.

In this world, grief, sorrow, disease, want, debt, happiness, wealth, praise, blame and such other things, keep barking at you like dogs. But if you ignore them and continue on your way chanting ‘Rama…Rama’, they will bark for a while and then stop following you. Ultimately they will be silenced. If the belief that ‘Disease , grief, sorrow, heartburn, want, debt, riches, wealth, happiness and peace, are all your manifestations (of God)’ becomes established, the mind can no more be troubled. It is a universal truth. If the thought ‘You are all’ is maintained in one’s mind till the faith becomes firm, and ‘Rama…Rama’ is chanted whenever the mind vacillates, Your grace can surely be received and there is riddance from all types of ‘dogs’. This world will continue to bark at you like a dog. It cannot resist barking, be it in happiness, sorrow, wealth, honour, insult, earning or spending. Let it bark. Don’t pay any attention to it. Think of the Name and remember that ‘You are all’. The world will become peaceful.

See, how many forms You assume to deliver Your teaching, encourage me and assure me, yet I am not able to become still. Whether in daily duties or in worship I become very ill at ease when I am not able to feel Your presence within myself. I feel that everything has become meaningless. However, next moment when I remember that You are everything and that You are the joy as well as the sadness; the despondent mood disappears. Remembering that You are listening to me makes me happy when I pray. There is no pleasure in praying without You in my thoughts. Again when I think that ‘You are all’; ‘there is nothing without You’; ‘even my forgetting You is You’, my mind gets a little quietened.

I well understand that nothing can come of my own efforts. It is foolishness to expect to find You by meditation. If my praying and worship is of no avail, as is my practice of Yoga and meditation, then what shall I do? With whom shall I seek refuge? Whom shall I let know of the agony of my mind? Who will listen to me? Who will understand my pain? No one! No one will give me assurance on any count. Rather, I get threatened! I am cast in the role of a doer and then, blame or praise is heaped on me! Now I see that I have no way of salvation but through You. Hence I want to know You! Therefore I want to catch hold of You! Therefore I want to speak to You! I cannot prevent my mind from speaking. Since the mind must speak, from this day I will speak only with You. Well, do You not feel inclined to talk? Please speak. Are You angry? Why are You angry? No longer shall I be disobedient to You. I will do what You ask me to do. Tell me what I am to do. I have said this many times before but am not able to keep my word. My work remains imperfect.

I am defeated, tired, oppressed by the constant battling with the worldly affairs, by the repeated ‘coming and going’ into and out of this world, birth after birth, and by the tyranny of endless desires. Today, I seek shelter from You! Give me shelter. Please speak, You must speak. Here while I am writing, You are all around me. Can You not hear me? If You can hear, why do You not respond? Where are You not? It is You, who are the earth, water, fire, air and space. You are the ears, the skin, the eyes, the tongue; the nose, speech, the hands, the feet and the other organs. You are the mind, the intelligence, the spirit and the ego. You are the directions, the Wind, the Sun, Varuna, the Ashwini twins, Indra, Upendra, Yama and Prajapati. You are the blood, flesh, marrow, bone, fat; You are all. You are the cricket that is chirping there. You are the palanquin, the bed, this paper and the pen. You are the expression. You only are the language. You were all that was; You are all that is and You will be all that will be. You will also be that which will not be; everything.

Do You hear me? I do not know what is good or bad for me. I cannot always understand the essence of Your goodness, and that makes me feel strange. Then I do not quite remain Yours and become my own ‘I’. Make me Your own; You must, why not?

Please listen there is no one here now. Please appear, just once! Speak to me, just once! What is this? Who is calling whom? Are You calling me? If You know, why are You calling me by that name? Ah! The name of that I know as ‘mine’ is after all the name of this body! Is it then the name of this burden of the five elements? Therefore You are calling me by my real name? Yes, please call, loudly. When I hear You call, I remember many things, many deeds. Please do not become quiet, please call! Let me call You and You call me back.

‘Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare, Hare
Rama, Krishna, Rama, Krishna, Rama, Krishna, Hare, Hare’

 Your call is very sweet. Speak to my mind, as my mind. Please call. My body reverberates when I hear Your call. It feels as if it has lost control. Please call again and again! Let me fall asleep listening to You. Yes! Yes!

‘Rama, Krishna, Rama, Krishna, Rama, Krishna, Hare, Hare.’